First of all, to go with the title of this post, it was inspired by a post on another blog I follow, (post titled "Life Changing Moments"), as well as a 'quest' on a game that I play looking what motivates you to do what you do. A recent fight with a friend over my food/weight/scale issues also made me think of how I have changed over this past semester and what had inspired those changes.
When I stop to think about the changes in myself, I can see a few select things. Although I am still often plagued with self-doubt, low self-concept and self-esteem, my daily average is still far more than it was when I was in high school. What brought about this change? Was it just age? being away from my home environment? or the activities I've been involved in?
First of all, my time management and sensitivity to deadlines has greatly increased, and so far I think that's the only way I've managed to get this far in university. This is thanks to two people. One of which, my grade 10-12 art teacher, gave me the advice "write it down in three places" including the day before something is due, and the day it is due, that way you're aware of it, and more likely to get it done. The other was a good friend of mine who is graduating this year. She gave me a crash course in scheduling last year, when I had a crazy hard exam schedule (3 finals in the span of 24 hours). Without her pep talk about 'sit down, write a schedule, than stick to it', I have no idea how I would have survived without going insane. Now, I don't need to micromanage my time during tight times like that (because now I get how to do it, and I generally schedule better in my head anyways)
"Don't study the morning before and exam" this one was spoken by my grade 11 and 12 chemistry teacher. This gentleman was fresh out of university, so he had lots of great advice for us going on to post secondary education and really understood where we were coming from. I remember him telling us that he hated it when he saw all these people cramming just before they walked into their exam. His logic behind NOT studying the day of an exam: You probably won't learn something new, and if you do, you'll probably forget something you've already learned. So in all reality you're not making any new gains. Now, I may still study the day of an exam, but I definitely make a point of taking at least 2 hours off before I have to write the exam, so that way my brain can relax and actually consolidate anything new I may have learned. I definitely stress FAR LESS going into exams now. The same teacher also gave me this gem (and this one is copied and pasted directly from an e-email he sent me when I was in my first year here) "Take a deep breath and try to split the information into two parts - stuff you know and stuff you don't know. If you know it, don't study it. If you don't, study it and make some questions to get help with. That's it. The most successful people aren't those who know their strengths but those who know their weaknesses!" This has made studying way easier than I could have imagined. Again, this is definitely something that has helped me get through my first 3 years of university. I don't think i would have survived first year Chemistry if it wasn't for this man.
"Ain't nobodies eyes but mine" - This one was curtosy of my lovely, lovely dance instructor here at the school. As I've said before self confidence isn't a strong point in my repetoire of personality traits. In this one, I had did my first year of dance, doing hip hop, which was HUGE step for me to take to begin with, and took a couple friends to be there for moral support. The same teacher also taught beginner Jazz, which I decided I wanted to take. So come second year, I take this class, and then within the first couple of classes, have 2 anxiety attacks due to the 'across the room' (for those of you who don't dance, its basically we line up in about 4 to 5 lines across the one end of the studio, and one person from each line takes a turn doing a sequence of steps down to the other end of the room) and the feelings of everyone's eyes being on me and being worried about 'fucking up' and 'being bad at it'. I had a rather tear-filled discussion with her after class, which resulted in being told that I was doing fantastically for my first couple of Jazz classes, and that when it come's to it, it would be ain't nobodies eyes but hers on me while I was doing it, and that it was only her eyes that mattered. After that, I don't think I ever had another panic attack in one of those classes, gained confidence in my ability as a dancer, and have even since moved on to also take Ballet, in a totally different studio that she has no affiliation with - not because I think I'm great or anything, but because I just love dance. I've only been dancing for 3 years now, but I've advanced in leaps and bounds, and my overall self-confidence and self-esteem has greatly improved, especially during this year in dance, when I was being placed in more major roles in the dances and being placed at the front of the group, especially in hiphop (which is still my forte)
"By trying and asking questions, you will succeed. Not trying and not asking will cause you to fail." That one was compliments of my mother. I had a really, really hard time adjusting to first year university, so badly we didn't think I'd make it through first year, and that I'd need to withdraw. Part of it was that I was terrified to ask question, and to get help, be in academically or psychologically. She wrote this on a simple piece of blank paper, and put it up on my wall. It's been posted every year since, just as a reminder when I'm not feeling like I can do something, to ask questions and to try my hardest, and even if it's not the best mark in the world, or the outcome I was specifically looking at, I will succeed in a way that I was meant to.
"When we look at you we doing see your shape or size, we see just you" and "it's just like you walking around with 3-4 textbooks in your backpack. It ain't gonna kill him to go for an hours ride once or twice a week" These were spoken by the my husband and wife team of riding instructors at my old barn. The first one was said when I very first started with them, when I was talking about some of the adversity I have faced being an obese person trying to succeed in the world of horseback riding. I had been riding for about 9 years at that point in time, but was getting harder to find places after I had to sell my horse, because no one was comfortable having a rider of my size get on their horses. They looked past my weight and saw how I do ride, and the person I am on the inside. That comment made that place feel like home. The second one came when I was having a low day, and said something about feeling too big to ride our 14.2hh arabian x quarter horse. It was just a feel good comment, and gave me courage to be able to stand up to some people about the type of horses the may or may not let me ride, and to realize that I wouldn't 'break his back' like some of the kids in my grade school classes told me when they found out that I was taking riding lessons.
I'm sure I have way more that I could boast about, but at this point in time, it's nearly 4am, and I definitely need to get some sleep. Last day to study for my exam on Thursday, soooo I need to get up at some sort of decent hour. But before I leave, what are some of the inspirational stories you guys have, or words of wisdom that have been passed to you, and made a difference in your life? Please share!
Have a great night
-Red
No comments:
Post a Comment