First of all, I managed to FINALLY get my G2. I've always been a bit nervous behind the wheel of a vehicle, so I was a rather late bloomer in getting to this stage. I'm 22 now and just got my G2... but on the plus side it now gave me 5 years to do my G test. So I'll have plenty of time to get ready and comfortable for that milestone when it comes.
I took a weekend at the start of August to go visit Madeleine and another friend up where we go to school and had a couple interesting experiences I guess you could say. I'm not used to being the first one to get any attention from the opposite sex, but at the first bar we went to, I had a guy actually come and pick me off the side of the bar where we were sitting, and bring me out to the dance floor. Nothing major happened with it, but overall it was a nice experience. Later on when we had switched locations, there was some good and bad parts to that location. There was a particular boy whom I was somewhat interested in, who ended up being far more interested in one of my two friends than me. Needless to say, that was a little bit of a blow, but it wasn't her fault as she had no idea that I was interested in him. Teaches me a lesson if anything... maybe speak up sooner? But regardless it wouldn't have stopped his actions. So after taking a break to try to calm down a bit, another random boy comes and sits down with me and my other friend, and makes some random conversation with me. I talk for a bit, and it leads to him saying the following "Okay, I just want to know three things. 1. What's your agenda? 2. What are some of your interests? 3. What do I need to do to get you to bed tonight?" at this point I almost didn't know what to say. Ended up telling him that I didn't really have an agenda for the night, listed some interests and told him I wasn't that easy to get to bed.... after which he proceeded to tell me that he never said I was easy. Lets just say that shortly after he left and went to probably pull the same line on another girl somewhere else in the bar. Now if only I was into drunken one night stands, that could have been a bit of fun.. but really, I'm by no means that type of girl.
In other news, I had put myself in a pretty vulnerable position just before returning to campus. While I was cleaning and packing my things for the move, I came across a couple of my old journals. All I can say is that they're...scary... to go back and read... enough so that they had to come with me in fear of my parents finding them if by chance they decided to once again rearrange my room. They're totally filled with confusion, calorie counts, meal plans, insults to myself, self hatred and self distortion. Enough so that the strong emotions really, really triggered me, putting me on the brink of falling back into some sort of pattern, especially with the stress of the move an my vulnerability to stress when it comes to my eating disordered behaviours. It's still carrying over a bit, but nothing that, at this point, I'm overly worried about... Training provides us with a ton of food, something in which I'm trying to control what I'm eating (but in all honesty I failed miserably, and have been trying to not think of all the potential calories I ate..... because I have a rough estimate in my head and believe me its not a pretty number). I'm also going nuts not exercising now that I'm actually back on campus. I mean it's not like I'm being totally sedentary. We have 12 hour days and they do consist of a lot of transit time between session locations. Now if the pedometer in my phone is at least somewhat correct, on Monday I took 14105 steps, for a total of 10.9km and apparently 1023 cals (but I doubt the calorie total... the phone is not caliberated for that sort of thing in my opinion) and today had 14088 steps and says 11.2km... which is why I'm not sure about the accuracy of it all... but I think the steps are atleast a reasonable judge... and I mean they say you should take 10,000 steps a day, so right now this is a good thing.
I have been weighing myself at least twice a day for far too long now. And am doing it even more so now that I'm here and don't yet have any housemates in with me. I have to stop that though... specially because it drives me nuts if it says I've gained weight (such as today) even though I know that if I want to weigh myself on a daily basis it should only be in the morning, because food and fluid only makes you "gain" throughout the day. I might actually start keeping a food journal again though, not to count calories (or try not to anyways) but to at least get an idea of where I need to tweak my eating habits. It might not be as bad once trainings done though, because once training is done I'm back to making my own food, and my goal is to lose weight with this endeavour... just how I get there isn't set in stone. I'm hoping to try to eat more vegetarian now, again to cut out as much red meat as I possibly can, and to exercise 3x a week. I do still need to get my meeting and office hour schedules but it'll work.
Speaking of gym, I have to say that I'm absolutely PISSED that they upped the prices of my dance classes. They went from $42 to $60. I have no idea if I can even consider affording them at this point. Especially if I want to do ballet... but even ballet is up in the air, not because I can't afford it (I had initially budgeted for it, because my normal instructor isn't teaching the Hip Hop and Jazz classes, making me very nervous to take them now... although she might harm me if I don't take any of them) but because we might need to have 10:15pm meetings because of the icky 5:30 time slot the university decided to through classes into.
Anyways, thats a bit of an update...more to come as more unfolds. I'm hoping to write a whole bunch more now. Maybe it'll be a mid year resolution for me lol!
Current song playing in my head: Save Yourself by Sense Field
