Snow Globe

I haven't written creatively in ages. I guess I just haven't felt anything intensely enough to actually be compelled to write. Which is weird. This piece is more or less me rambling, through a somewhat intoxicated mind. Regardless, I forgot how therapeutic it can be some times. But... here goes. It's definitely not my best work ever, but hey it got what I was feeling out... and that's all that matters right?

Snow Globe

My mind feels like a snow globe,
Pieces of my life swirling around.
I cannot make sense of them, and therefore,
Cannot make sense of myself.
I’m stupid and I’m ugly,
And even though I may try,
I still fail miserably , at trying not to cry.
I feel so intensely,
Everything just needs to slow down, down and down.

I’m tired of the pressure,
Coming from everywhere I turn.
4th year. Graduate. Single. Succeed.
Beautiful. Skinny. De-flowered. Work.
Just to name a few.
I often feel like I’m lagging,
That I’m running out of time.

I’m tired of the same routine,
Dancing like a piece of meat, only to be passed by.
Drowning to the same old hip hop song, looking at the same old crowd.
Deserving of the title wallflower,
Feeling destined to be alone.

I’m sick of hearing talk of obesity
As if the world is throwing it in my face,
I feel trapped in my own body, without an escape,
As I’m sabatoged once more.
I need the time, to get a head, to beat this,
Exercise game.

I cringe when friends say I’m beautiful,
Knowing that my eyes, they lie,
As every time I view the mirror, all I see is flaws.
I’m getting tired of the struggle and,
I crave normalcy.

I hate feeling like a killjoy,
And I know I’m awkward socially,
The bar is like being put on stage,
When you have stage fright.
You want to have fun, but often times you,
Quiver in fear.
Will I be noticed? Do I dance well enough?
Did I wear enough make-up? Do I look hot enough?
But what is "enough"?

My mind feels like a snow globe,
These are my thoughts drifting down.